This place I never meant to find,

this time I never meant to be in,

holds me against my will

and I linger longer than a moment

in years gone past and lost;

it’s all I can do to not reach out,

to stretch out from the lonely dark

with fingers broken and bruised

from clawing at this prison of hope,

to see if you, if any part of you that

isn’t only memory now might be there–

but I know, to do so would be my folly,

and finding again the deafening roar

of an anger I’m not sure I deserve

I’d only retreat, defeated again by

the reality that is me,

the reality you created for me.

There was a time, a moment

when light and color–when you–washed away

all the greying shadow I cast in the world,

and melody takes me there far too often,

more than I’d like to admit,

but now…. now there is only me

and memory, thunderous and vibrant,

and painful, not for what it is,

but for what it no longer isn’t;

and this echoing silence fueled now

by rage and hate and the blame of

love misunderstood and cast aside

for lies that were never told

is all that remains of a forgiveness

that was asked for and offered

and then stripped away before it could breathe.

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And quietly, the silence ensues,
hanging over us like rain,
vengeful in its persistence
and allowing only thoughts
of shade to consume;
and in it’s being I turn
as only I can, to that place
where the only answers offered
are the ones that I hide inside–
and in the void
I find the nothing I was looking for,
because here,
and there,
I have only myself.

Falling Away

But for my soul
I’d have nothing left,
and even that
I have given away
to a nameless muse;
my heart has been bled
upon the page
and in whispers
tithed to a pale goddess,
bathed in scarlet
by my own hand.
And should the shadow
consume what remains
after I have given all
I pray that in the chaos
of the void
I may find myself again.

Your Light

Your light was not
as bright as
I believed it to be,
but I allowed myself
to be blinded by it;
I caught the sun
and held it for a moment
and even in burning
I held onto a hope
misguided and misplaced,
dimmed by darkening skies
and the frailty of reason.
I only sought truth
in your illumination
and to share the peace
between artist and Muse.
Instead I found
I was the light
in your shadow.