Musings From The Porch: The Storm & The Vigil


“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” – Hunter S. Thompson

A year ago I wrote about sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Chicago, watching stories of the world unfold. The organized chaos of that day is starkly contrasted by the disorganized calm I experience now, sitting on my porch in the Indiana countryside, not so much watching the world go by, but rather -feeling- it go by. The occasional car, truck, or tractor rumbles along our ragged stretch of cracked and worn asphalt, but other than that, it’s a fairly sedate existence out here. To say it’s quiet is both an understatement and a falsehood, illustrating the contradictory nature of life.

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Around me
            a revolt of life
                        and sound
                  the fury of being
            and the peace of
                        home –
                        in the center,
            surrounding me,
                        stillness in motion,
                        an easy calm;
                                    passing through this                 
                        veiled existence
            in a revolution
of being who I am
            there is


In you I find my undoing,
void of being sought
in the chaos of living;
that you have chosen me
and allowed me to be
all that I am not,
and carried me past the edge
of all I thought I was
makes me yours.
And I am yours,
as I am,
to you
in your embrace,
and the anger
of your love,
and the mercy
of your wrath.

Falling Away

But for my soul
I’d have nothing left,
and even that
I have given away
to a nameless muse;
my heart has been bled
upon the page
and in whispers
tithed to a pale goddess,
bathed in scarlet
by my own hand.
And should the shadow
consume what remains
after I have given all
I pray that in the chaos
of the void
I may find myself again.